3-D Battles Of WorldRunner, the [NES]

Embark upon an enthralling journey! Play as the space-cowboy WorldRunner, or, as he is known in Japan, “Jack”, and defend Solar System #517 from the evil alien race, the Serpentbeasts, who are ruled by Grax. As is the case in 99% of all NES games, this story is in no way mentioned in the game itself, but is detailed in the manual.

Apart from having a story that sounds like a Scientologist holy text, along with a fairly generic title, there really isn’t much to fault about this game. So don’t go expecting a hilarious review shredding the game to bits, because it’s not going to happen. Sure, it wouldn’t be brilliant if it were released today, but for 1987, I can imagine it having some pretty new and fun features.

As a gamer, I was drawn in the moment the title screen said it was developed by Square. I mean, fucking Square. The three blokes who did this also created fucking Final-fucking-Fantasy. It has to be awesome. Plus, while the music is repetitive and annoying, I thought it was really good, especially for a NES game. This was explained when a little bit of research exposed that is was composed by the one and only Nobuo Uematsu, the brains behind most of the Final Fantasy music.

Hey, what's that rapidly approaching black bar doing?

The whole game is repetitive. World One is you, Jack, running forwards constantly, dodging obstacles and jumping over chasms in the path, which are just big black rectangles that look nothing like an actual gap in the road. World Two is pretty much the same, with different looking enemies that don’t change in function very much and a space background. At the end of each world, you fight a big snake like thingy like the boss in Arkanoid, or a flying one of those cacti with faces in Mario. There are also a few very Boo-like jumping ball things. And you collect stars, for some reason. Not sure how that ties in with the plot, but whatever.

3-D Worldrunner sees you tie together ridiculously long strings of jumps off springs floating in chasms, avoid columns because you think they’re bad for you and then find out they’re good for you by reading the game’s Wikipedia article, and more. Plus, it has an awesome 3-D mode that you can activate by pressing Select. Pity it’s now pretty much useless because it’s near impossible to get a pair of glasses that were packaged with the game, and other 3-D glasses aren’t the right colours/whatever for it to work (I tried), because this game would be fucking awesome in 3-D.

But look, the game is clever and fun. I got a lot more entertainment out of it than I thought I would when I loaded it up. Oh, and Jack is such a bad-ass mother fucker that he runs and jumps around in space without even caring about stupid, unnecessary stuff like spacesuits.

That is hardcore

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