3D Block [NES]

What the naked silhouette is doing on the title screen, I have absolutely no idea. There’s no girls, tits, or stilettos in 3D Block. No, the “Block” you’re going to encounter is not a 3D penis. All this game is is 3D Tetris – and not the cool, Avatar-style 3D either. I mean three dimensions – instead of just horizontal and vertical, as is in normal Tetris, you have a top-down perspective over a square where the blocks land.

For the first few minutes, this game made absolutely no sense to me. The graphics aren’t good enough to see which direction your active piece is pointing, so most of the time it’s just guesswork and “holy shit I hope it’s pointed the right way.” There’s a lot of button mashing in desperation to get the piece in the right place. Also, I got up to Level 8 before getting bored and pissed off, and I swear that level 2 was the hardest – the pieces were moving so much faster.

Hmm, yes, I understand exactly what is going on here

For some reason, level 3 was skipped completely. I just completed level 2 when I was greeted by a big “04”, leaving me with a raised eyebrow. And why do all NES games have such ugly colours? What’s up with the mustard yellow backdrop? Can’t they use a nicer colour?

But why put a naked woman on the title screen? On the box art, fair enough – entice young, horny males to buy your game with the promise of pixelated tits. Great marketing scheme. But the title screen? If you can see it, it means you’ve already bought the game. So why is it necessary to continue lying, even though the sale is already made? At least there’s four blocks on the title screen too, to give you a little hint to what you’re about to play.

I couldn’t work out what that window on the bottom right of the screen was trying to tell me. Yes, I know I’ve fucked up and I’m right at the top of the pile, you really don’t have to remind me. I mean, I suppose it was trying to do something helpful, but I had no idea what it was.

The obscure NES titleĀ 3D Block was boring and repetitive. It would have been fun for ten minutes or so, but I played it for a lot longer than that and so now I’m very, very sick of it. I only played it because I recently downloaded every single NES ROM, and it was number 2. I don’t see myself returning to it very soon.

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