“My World 2.0” (2010) by Justin Bieber

My World 2.0 is the hip new record from everyone’s favourite pre-pubescent sixteen year old. A contrast from all the records I usually review, I know. But will I hate it as much as you’re probably expecting me to?

Well, yes. I did listen to it with an open heart, open ears, open arms and an open mind, and it just isn’t good. He’s no pop revolution or icon or anything. Beneath all that hair, there’s no child prodigy hiding, waiting to be released. Justin’s just another pop star, who, after his fifteen minutes of fame and numerous accusations of beating his girlfriend, will be doing an Usher and promoting the latest upcoming 16-year-old pop star.

But about the music. Is it that bad? Yes. For starts, Justin’s voice is completely blank and devoid of all real emotion. While the songs are written from the point of view of a 15 year old, they haven’t got any sense of authenticity to them – it’s like someone older wrote them to sound like a 15 year old, not like a 15 year old actually wrote them, leading to very phony sounding lyrics. Plus, he uses the word “shorty” way too much, when he’s probably shorter than most of the girls that the songs are targeted at. His vocal ability is evident, but only half cooked – and the thing is, the amount of time required to cook it to a perfect golden brown is longer than the (estimated) amount of time before he hits puberty, so he’ll most likely have a shithouse, deep voice by his next record, and lose the fans he’s gained because he’s so young and cute.

The music is all very generic and boring. Maybe one or two of the tracks are catchy and have potential, but the better part of the album is filler. The ballads are cringe-worthy, the upbeat, dance songs such as “Eenie Meenie” even more so. The rhythm is very simplistic in all the tracks – something which works for a few contemporary R&B artists, but not this one.

I’m hoping that, with his next album, Bieber might try writing his own songs – no, Justin, putting your name on all of the song’s writer credits isn’t fooling anyone. Oh, and make better album titles and covers. Maybe then you will be more convincing and accessible. But, until then, you’ll have to be contempt with your fan base of 7-18 year old girls and a few sad men going though their midlife crisis.

2.1
Choice tracks:
U Smile; That Should Be Me
If you like: Usher; Miley Cyrus; early Justin Timberlake

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